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Empathy2 min read · Empathy · The Art of Being Interested
That Makes Sense First
Before you fix anything, tell them their reaction is reasonable. Validation isn't agreement — it's letting them feel human.
Someone tells you they're upset, and your brain lights up with solutions. Cancel the plan. Send the email. Talk to the manager. You mean well — you want to help.
But a person in the middle of a feeling can't hear a fix. First they need to know the feeling itself isn't crazy.
Validation comes before repair
When you say "that makes sense," you're not saying they're right about the facts. You're saying: given what you saw and felt, of course you'd land here. That single move drops a person's guard, because they no longer have to prove they're allowed to feel this way.
People can't take in a solution until they've been let off the hook for the feeling.
Two lines, in order
STRAIGHT TO FIX
You're overthinking it — just call them back and it's fine.
VALIDATE FIRST
That makes sense — anyone would stew on a message like that. Want to figure out a reply together?
THE TAKEAWAY
Say "that makes sense" before you offer a single solution.
You're not agreeing with the facts. You're agreeing they're human.
PRACTICE THIS · EMPATHY
- Name the feeling you're hearing before you offer a fix.
- Guess gently: "It sounds like you were hurt — is that right?"
- You don't have to solve it; you have to show you noticed.
- Resist the silver lining. Sit with them in it first.
- Before advising, ask: do you want comfort or solutions?
- Delete "at least" from your comfort vocabulary — nothing kind follows it.
- Say "that makes sense" out loud before you offer a single fix.
SOURCES & FURTHER READING
- Michael S. Sorensen. I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships — Autumn Peak Publishing (2017; on validation as the first move before problem-solving)